Temptation From the Devil?

+JMJ+

Not sure, but I think I may have experienced an "attack." Sarah and I talked last night about her upcoming Profession as an Agrégée.  I am ashamed to admit I felt a little jealous, and later last night (and continuing this morning), I had this persistent thought: 

"Why don't you just give up and ask to become an Agrégée--stop trying to become a Canonical Sister,  just let it go. It's probably vanity on your part anyway. If you become an Agrégée, you can keep your beautiful house, have pets, and not have to deal with difficult people anymore. The fact that you are thinking this, may be God trying to tell you something."

However, based on what I read this morning in Fr. Kevin O'Brien's book that I am using for the 19th Annotation, I suspect this may be a temptation coming from the Devil.  He says

"...the evil spirit, which Ignatius also calls the 'enemy of our human nature,' wants to discourage us and get us off-course. Sometimes ... the tactics are obvious: causing extreme doubt, confusion, anxiety and temptation.  As we grow in the spiritual life, the enemy must adjust its tactics and become more subtle, ... even suggesting thoughts that seem good and holy but actually lead us away from the praise, love and service of God." 

My time in prayer this morning has led me to that conclusion, because

• I truly believe God has called me to religious life, and I further believe He has asked me to give Him everything, holding back nothing
• I have observed from past and current experience of living in a convent, that religious life provides the structure and discipline I need in order to overcome my natural inclination toward sloth, and my tendency to indulge myself in ways that are unhealthy both physically and spiritually
• The best and fastest way for me to grow in virtue (especially humility which I desperately need), is by having to suffer the daily humiliations of rubbing up against others in Community--which I can avoid if I live alone
• It's a tremendous source of strength to know that I am surrounded by women who are also trying as hard as they can to lead a holy life

I hope that further discernment will make it clear to me that I am following the right path (toward becoming a Canonical member of the Congregation), and that if these are indeed temptations of the Devil, I will be given the grace to persevere and resist giving in to them.