+JMJ+
Today is the day of the ceremony in my parish for my official acceptance into candidacy for the
Sisters of St. Joseph of Concordia, Kansas. For months, I have been
thinking about and longing for this day to come. I wanted--and expected--it to be a day
of calm, joy, and prayer, but it has turned out to be anything but,
due to an unexpected requirement that I have a reception for the parish
after the ceremony. There is no one to make that happen except me, so it has meant
rushing around, buying things, lugging them into the church, and endless
fretting about what to get, how much to get, and how to find the time
and energy to get it all done on time.
Anyone who knows me well realizes how much I hate being responsible for "events." That was part of my job for the last 30 years or so, and I never got used to it: it stresses me out terribly, and fills me with dread. So, instead of my special day being wonderful, as I hoped it would be, I am tense, tired and wishing it were over already.
I have been feeling very resentful and angry for days, that I was forced into doing this--and I have hated feeling that way, not able to accept that my beautiful day has been ruined. What I forgot to do, though, was to turn to God for help!
Finally, I remembered to do that--and just now, as I was praying, He made me understand that He is giving me a day of suffering today--instead of the joy I expected--in order to remind me that I am choosing a life of sacrifice today, not glory. And suddenly, everything makes sense.
Dear Jesus, my Love, my Lord! I adore You, and I want to give You everything! I willingly give You whatever I have--pitiful offering though it is--because I love You above all things, and all I want is to serve You for the rest of my life. Thank You for giving me the incredible gift of a vocation to consecrated life, and giving me a second chance to fulfill it, after I failed to do it the first time: You are my Love and my joy--You are everything to me. I belong to You totally, and want nothing else, nothing less, than You! Have mercy on me, Lord, and help me to live my new life faithfully. +
Anyone who knows me well realizes how much I hate being responsible for "events." That was part of my job for the last 30 years or so, and I never got used to it: it stresses me out terribly, and fills me with dread. So, instead of my special day being wonderful, as I hoped it would be, I am tense, tired and wishing it were over already.
I have been feeling very resentful and angry for days, that I was forced into doing this--and I have hated feeling that way, not able to accept that my beautiful day has been ruined. What I forgot to do, though, was to turn to God for help!
Finally, I remembered to do that--and just now, as I was praying, He made me understand that He is giving me a day of suffering today--instead of the joy I expected--in order to remind me that I am choosing a life of sacrifice today, not glory. And suddenly, everything makes sense.
Dear Jesus, my Love, my Lord! I adore You, and I want to give You everything! I willingly give You whatever I have--pitiful offering though it is--because I love You above all things, and all I want is to serve You for the rest of my life. Thank You for giving me the incredible gift of a vocation to consecrated life, and giving me a second chance to fulfill it, after I failed to do it the first time: You are my Love and my joy--You are everything to me. I belong to You totally, and want nothing else, nothing less, than You! Have mercy on me, Lord, and help me to live my new life faithfully. +
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