My Jubilee Year of Mercy

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“God’s mercy is creative. There are times when all seems lost and beyond hope and then God surprises us through an unexpected turn of events and something new is brought to life”—this is the wisdom of Mother Agnes Mary of the Sisters of Life as printed in their magazine, Imprint.

I don't know why it had not occurred to me until this moment, that I received an extraordinary mercy of God during this special year, when He gave me back my lost vocation to religious life!  I have to wonder whether this would or could have happened at any other time.  A new mystery to ponder and pray about!

The Day of Incredible Grace: September 11, 1981

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I regret that the most important day in my life happens to coincide with the anniversary of what is probably the most horrific day in United States History:  9/11.  Perhaps there is some reason for that, but if there is, I do not know it now.

Nevertheless, September 11, 1981 was the never-to-be-forgotten day when God, in His mercy, came to me, suffused me with His Presence, and instantly changed me from an atheist into a believer. The details of what happened are in my conversion story, if you care to read it: 
http://is-anybody-reading-this.blogspot.com/2015/12/my-journey-to-god-and-catholic-church.html

 Today, I am just reflecting, rejoicing and thanking God for His unbelievable kindness to me, a person who absolutely did not deserve any of it.  Even today's readings at Mass were, I know, His words directed to me:  "I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and arrogant, but I have been mercifully treated because I acted out of ignorance in my unbelief." and "...there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who have no need of repentance."

I constantly wonder what it is that He wants from me--I want to repay Him in some way, but I can't:  there is absolutely nothing I could give Him that would equal in the smallest way the gifts He has given me.  I want to--and plan to--give Him my life as a vowed religious if He allows it to me, but what a flawed life it is, what a poor offering!  All I know is that whatever He wants of me, I will give it, because my love for Him overwhelms me, and I could not possibly say "no." 

The Recovery of a Vocation

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I just recently realized to whom (besides God Himself) I owe the miracle of being able to once again have a consecrated life.  His two instruments were Fr. Rafael Carballo, my pastor, and Sister Crystal Payment, who is a Sister of St. Joseph in my parish.

That wild night last November, when I "flung" myself into Fr. Rafael's Confessional, one of the things he said to me while I was trying to explain where I had been for the last 25 years, was that he thought I was wrong in thinking that I could/should not try again after I left the Dominicans at the age of 43.  I believed I was too old, plus I thought that the fact I had already left two other Communities would count against me.  

I have a lot of self-confidence, and I am not a person who often doubts myself.  But I could not get his remark out of my mind.  I kept thinking about it for months, wondering if he could possibly be right... and eventually, when I decided that he was, I began to suffer terribly, realizing that I made the worst mistake of my life, and that it could not be corrected!

As I wrote in my posts in March, the pain became so great, I finally begged God to give me another chance, knowing in my heart that what I was asking could not possibly be granted.  But it was. 

God's other instrument in this beautiful story of mercy is Sister Crystal, who chose years ago to be a member of Our Lady of Perpetual Help, even though she lives within the boundaries of St. Theresa's in Douglasville.  Sister Crystal, who decided to do something for National Catholic Sisters Week this year.  Sister Crystal, who agreed to give speeches at all five Masses the weekend of March 12-13, even though she hates giving speeches. If it had not been for all of that falling into place, I would never have heard of the Sisters of St. Joseph of Concordia.

Lord, how can I repay Your goodness to me?