2018 Retreat Notes

I am in a Lace Retreat at Manna House in Concordia this week, and in addition to learning to make bobbin lace--which is a long-standing tradition in the Sisters of St. Joseph--the retreat theme is "Contemplating Our Stories."

Each day, we have been provided with a set of questions on which to reflect and write, if we choose to do so, and at the end, we will share some of our reflections with the group (again, if we wish to.)

Monday, June 25:  Stories around your birth, naming, Baptism, personal characteristics, uniqueness, God's imprint on you. 

I know that I was conceived shortly after my parents married (May 10, 1946), while they were both still in the Navy.  Mom told me that she tried to get out on a medical discharge, because Dad was due to be discharged before she was, and she knew she was pregnant so she wanted to leave with him.  However, in those days, pregnancy tests were not very accurate, and they kept coming back negative, so she had to stay!  I was born in Mom's home town of Detroit, Michigan, at Harper Hospital, which no longer exists.  I was not baptized, however, until I was about 7, because my parents were not practicing any religion. I remember my mother telling me that my father really wanted a girl, and how happy he was when I was born, and that as soon as he got home from work, he always wanted to see me right away and pick me up--waking me--which aggravated my mother.

Tuesday, June 26: Stories around the kind of family you grew up in, what were the rules/expectations and how did they shape you? Birth order, are you like either of your parents?  What did you like to do as a child, and has this affected your life?  How did you know you belonged (or did not), and where is God in all of this?

There were just the 4 of us, and we were always very close, and had a lot of fun together. My parents were very strict, however, especially my mother, and we got spanked regularly when we got out of line... my mother had quite a bad temper, but we were never allowed to display any anger whatsoever.  My mother was also very controlling and manipulative, and I was not given any freedom--but it was not until I sought therapy very late in life, that I recognized this and saw it as the problem it was... I always hated being so completely dominated by my mother, but it never occurred to me (until therapy) that I was actually free to resist her--until then, I really thought that I was not strong enough to ever say NO to her!  --so I spend nearly my entire life under her emotional control.  Although she seems very sweet to people who don't know her, she is actually capable of great cruelty and emotional abuse. I personally believe she is mentally ill, although she has never been diagnosed, because she knows how to act around strangers.

The way in which I believe God was in all of this, was that I can look back and see that from my earliest childhood, God pursued me... He wanted me for some reason I cannot understand.  And it was not until September 11, 1981, when I became a believer, that I experienced unconditional love.

This is my first bobbin lace project, a snake... lot of mistakes, but not horrible for a first attempt!

Living the Life

+JMJ+

I just realized that I have not written anything here in quite a while, but I have a lot to tell!

A few months ago, Sr. Jean Rose, the President of the CSJ Community,

 

Sr. Jean Rosemarynoski, CSJ and Sr. Betty Suther, CSJ

conveyed to me through Sr. Betty Suther--who is my mentor and also the Novice Mistress--that it would be prudent for me to come and stay with the Sisters for an extended period, longer than the usual week during Assembly, so that I could be sure I knew "what I was signing up for."  So, although it took quite a bit of planning, I said I would come for the entire month of June.

When I told Sr. Dian, my friend in Cartersville, about this, she suggested that I stay even longer, so that I could attend the annual Theological Institute, and so I am here until the middle of July.

When I first arrived, all the Candidates were here, 1st and 2nd year, for 2 days of classes before the Annual Assembly started, and then once it began (evening of June 6th), there was the usual whirlwind of activities and meetings until the final event, which was the celebration of our 9 Jubilarians on Sunday, June 10th.  Very soon after that, however, all the Sisters who had come home for the Assembly left, and life settled down to what is normal for the Community.

I am staying at the Manna Retreat House (which was the original Motherhouse when the Sisters first arrived here from Rochester NY in 1884), which is just a few blocks from the current Motherhouse.  This is what my typical day is like, so far:  I get up at 6:00am (although the Sisters are free to get up whenever they want/need to), and if there is Daily Mass at 7:00am in the church right next door (Our Lady of Perpetual Help!), I like to go.  After Mass, I come back for a simple breakfast here, although I could go up to the Motherhouse if I want to for the huge breakfasts they serve there... but I like quiet in the morning, so I just stay here.

After breakfast, the house is quiet until about 9:00am, because, unless they have to go out, that's personal private prayer time for the Sisters.  At 9:00am, I currently have the responsibility of going downstairs and putting away all the breakfast stuff, and then checking in with our cook, Jackie, to see if any help is needed.  Usually I stay in the Kitchen for an hour or so, doing whatever she wants, and then I am free to do other things.  When there is a retreat in progress, however, and we have guests in the house, there is much more kitchen work to be done because we are feeding a lot more people than usual.  

Sr. Marcia asked me to help her with her project, compiling for future publication, the papers of Sr. Bette Moslander, who was President of the Congregation from 1975 to 1983, during a time of great change for the Congregation as they continued to evolve as as result of the changes in religious life called for by Vatican II.  She was an amazing visionary, and had a tremendous positive influence on what the Congregation has become, as they have positioned themselves to respond to today's needs in the Church and the world.  

So, I have been working on that, and in addition, I spent some time at the Motherhouse helping at the Reception Desk, I served juice and coffee during the Jubilee Brunch, I was sent to help with the Food Bank at the Cloud County Resource Center, to play Bingo with the middle school girls attending our Discover Camp, and I helped transport people to the airport--all kinds of odd jobs!  Besides that, of course I have to continue my studies in the Formation Program (we have classes once a month).

Lunch is around noon, and then we wash the dishes and resume our work, and many Sisters like to take a nap after lunch if they are free--and I enjoy naps too!  Supper is usually 5:30, and again, we wash the dishes and close the Kitchen for the night, and Community Prayer in the Sisters' Chapel is held at 6:15 every evening (except on Sunday nights, I have heard they usually watch 60 Minutes, haha!)

After that, everyone pretty much retires to their rooms to do whatever they want, and go to sleep whenever they want.  In general, the convent is pretty quiet most of the time, but there are no rules about that (like the Grand Silence we had in the Domincans after Night Prayer)--other than being considerate when you are in areas where people's bedrooms are.    

Even though I have not received a letter formally accepting me into the Novitiate, it's apparent that they are assuming that I am coming, which amazed me:  I was told where my room will be in the "cloister" area of the building--although they don't call it that--and I was encouraged to go back and look at it, measure it, and decide how I want to arrange the furniture and/or fit in anything I intend to bring with me when I finally move here from Georgia.  Today, I was given a mailbox in the office, too.  I had only been back to look at my room once, but this morning, Sr. Marcia asked me what I might want to get rid of, or need from storage, and when I told her that I was waiting until I got a letter from Sr. Jean Rose, she said she would speak to her about me today--and this afternoon I got a very sweet letter from Sr. Jean Rose, a "don't worry" letter, so--hard as it is for me to believe--I think this is REALLY HAPPENING!  

I am still pretty much in shock, frankly.  A little over 2 years ago, on the evening of March 10, 2016, I begged God to give me a second chance at religious life--and as you probably know, He sent me here specifically... and to my amazement, here I am.  An unbelievable miracle, that I keep thanking Him for every day. 

On the evening of June 24th, I will begin my annual retreat; I registered for the Lace Retreat, during which I will be taught to make the traditional bobbin lace, which the Sisters used to teach to women back in the 1600s, so that they could sell it and earn money to help support their families.  I am really looking forward to learning this ancient craft, and of course also deepening my relationship with God during this special week of prayer and reflection.