I am in a Lace Retreat at Manna House in Concordia this week, and in addition to learning to make bobbin lace--which is a long-standing tradition in the Sisters of St. Joseph--the retreat theme is "Contemplating Our Stories."
Each day, we have been provided with a set of questions on which to reflect and write, if we choose to do so, and at the end, we will share some of our reflections with the group (again, if we wish to.)
Monday, June 25: Stories around your birth, naming, Baptism, personal characteristics, uniqueness, God's imprint on you.
I know that I was conceived shortly after my parents married (May 10, 1946), while they were both still in the Navy. Mom told me that she tried to get out on a medical discharge, because Dad was due to be discharged before she was, and she knew she was pregnant so she wanted to leave with him. However, in those days, pregnancy tests were not very accurate, and they kept coming back negative, so she had to stay! I was born in Mom's home town of Detroit, Michigan, at Harper Hospital, which no longer exists. I was not baptized, however, until I was about 7, because my parents were not practicing any religion. I remember my mother telling me that my father really wanted a girl, and how happy he was when I was born, and that as soon as he got home from work, he always wanted to see me right away and pick me up--waking me--which aggravated my mother.
Tuesday, June 26: Stories around the kind of family you grew up in, what were the rules/expectations and how did they shape you? Birth order, are you like either of your parents? What did you like to do as a child, and has this affected your life? How did you know you belonged (or did not), and where is God in all of this?
There were just the 4 of us, and we were always very close, and had a lot of fun together. My parents were very strict, however, especially my mother, and we got spanked regularly when we got out of line... my mother had quite a bad temper, but we were never allowed to display any anger whatsoever. My mother was also very controlling and manipulative, and I was not given any freedom--but it was not until I sought therapy very late in life, that I recognized this and saw it as the problem it was... I always hated being so completely dominated by my mother, but it never occurred to me (until therapy) that I was actually free to resist her--until then, I really thought that I was not strong enough to ever say NO to her! --so I spend nearly my entire life under her emotional control. Although she seems very sweet to people who don't know her, she is actually capable of great cruelty and emotional abuse. I personally believe she is mentally ill, although she has never been diagnosed, because she knows how to act around strangers.
The way in which I believe God was in all of this, was that I can look back and see that from my earliest childhood, God pursued me... He wanted me for some reason I cannot understand. And it was not until September 11, 1981, when I became a believer, that I experienced unconditional love.
This is my first bobbin lace project, a snake... lot of mistakes, but not horrible for a first attempt!
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