Crosses

+JMJ+

I found myself wondering today, could something as simple and ordinary as cheerfully enduring boredom, actually be a sacrifice pleasing to God?

It makes sense to me that God will not ask more of us than He knows we are capable of giving--He knows what is possible and impossible for us, and so I think that if He asks it, we must be able to do it, even if we feel we can't!

I am inspired by stories of Christian martyrs, but I have so much fear of torture, I always hope I will never be tortured because I refuse to deny Christ--but I am occasionally tormented--and it feels like real suffering--by boredom when I am talking to people who are truly dull, and believe me, I am ashamed to admit this.  It doesn't happen often, but it does happen. 

But, is it possible that that is one of the sacrifices He asks of ME: to lovingly and patiently endure boredom for love of Him? 

I know this is a sacrifice my mother is not willing to make: she is so selfish,  that even though she is bored and discontented with her life in assisted living, she refuses to bother with the residents at The Oaks because they are not as smart as she is—she actually told me this the last time I visited her.  I thought that was very cold and heartless, because many of them are lonely and would love it if she would visit with them.

If I were she, I would take it upon myself to go around to peoples' rooms and chat with them, unless it seemed like they didn't want to--just on the grounds that the majority would probably welcome it.  At least I would try.  I would view it as a ministry.

However, I realize in advance that in some cases, what they would say would not be that interesting--but I'd do it anyway, purely out of love for God, in Whose image they were created.

Anyway, just wondering....

An In-Breaking of Grace

+JMJ+

I received an indescribable experience of grace this morning while sitting before the Blessed Sacrament, after reading a prayer by Teilhard de Chardin:

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.

We are quite naturally impatient in everything

to reach the end without delay.

We should like to skip the intermediate stages.

We are impatient of being on the way to something

unknown, something new.

And yet it is the law of all progress

that it is made by passing through

some stages of instability—

and that it may take a very long time.

And so I think it is with you;

your ideas mature gradually—let them grow,

let them shape themselves, without undue haste.

Don’t try to force them on,

as though you could be today what time

(that is to say, grace and circumstances

acting on your own good will)

will make of you tomorrow.

Only God could say what this new spirit

gradually forming within you will be.

Give Our Lord the benefit of believing

that his hand is leading you,

and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself

in suspense and incomplete.

I am at a loss for words to adequately express what I saw, but I began to cry, as I suddenly realized how terribly limited I am, how much I still have to learn about God, how weak my faith is, how I am really only at the beginning of my spiritual journey.  And how much I need to be healed--yet I am mute, lacking the voice or the courage or the humility to even cry out to Him as He goes by, "Lord Jesus Christ, heal me!" I see now that I am absolutely desperate to be loved, and that one of the reasons I am here in Concordia is because I am seeking a family, hoping to find the family I need, but do not have.  

 

There were so many tears in my eyes, I realized I couldn't even see the Host in the Monstrance, which seemed somehow poetic and appropriate to the moment--and then, for some reason, I suddenly thought of the picture of the Sacred Heart in my room, which I always believed was a representation of Jesus offering His Heart to us (which it is)--but I understand now that there is another hidden meaning behind those Sacred Heart pictures--what He is also doing is offering our hearts back to us: our hearts after they have been transformed and healed by His Love--which we are welcome to accept or reject as we choose.  A heart fully open and clear of expectations and preconceptions, completely free to love as He loves, if we only have the courage to accept it.

Advent

+JMJ+

Except for 1981, the year that I was received into the Church, this is definitely the most beautiful Advent I have ever experienced.  I don't know why my heart was so ready for it, but for some reason, I cannot stop rejoicing in the miracle of the Incarnation this year.

 

The very idea of it is astonishing:  that God loves us so much, wants us to know Him so much, that He sent us Jesus, so that we could understand Him, the inexpressible, indescribable Creator, in our own human terms.  He gave us Jesus, in order for us to be able to see with our own eyes what God is really like... to have a perfect example, a model of a holy life before us, to make it easier for us to understand what He hopes for from each of us. 

 

Because of Jesus, we can reach toward the dream that is built into every one of our souls--whether we choose to admit it or not--which is to be like God.  He is the secret love hidden in our hearts, a love that is unlocked once we meet and know Jesus.  The glory of it is overwhelming, and without parallel in worldly existence.

 

Contemplate God's perfect love for every person--and actually see it in human form as Jesus interacts with the people He meets throughout the Scriptures.  No matter who they were, what they looked like, or what they had done, no one was beyond the reach of his love and forgiveness... and neither are any of us.

 

Look at a crucifix, and contemplate the lengths to which God will go to show us how much we should love our fellow man.   And yes, he really meant that: even to the point of sacrificing our own life for others, even one other if necessary--even one other who has injured us in some way, who has done to us what we feel is unforgivable.  Do you think you can't follow Him there?  He did it, He showed us:  we have it within us, with His grace, to do it too.   

 

My Lord and My God!  I can never love You as much as You love me, but please allow me try--to make loving You and living only for You, the goal of my earthly existence!  That is all I want, that is all I ask, that is all I need. +

 

We Must Become Like Little Children...

+JMJ+

 

Gospel for November 29, 2016 Lk 10:21-24

Jesus rejoiced in the Holy Spirit and said,
“I give you praise, Father, Lord of heaven and earth,
for although you have hidden these things
from the wise and the learned
you have revealed them to the childlike."

When Fr. Rafael preached on this Gospel yesterday, he told us that we must become like little children.  Later on that night, when I started to pray, I said to Jesus, "I want to become like a little child, but how can I possibly do that?  I am too old, I am too sophisticated, and I can't even remember what it was like to be a child!  There's no way I can do that!"

 

The Lord said to me, "Don't worry about it, because you are already a child.  Haven't you given your whole heart to My love, and don't you totally trust in Me?   You believe everything that My Church teaches, and you never feel the need to question any of it.  Don't you talk to Me all day long about everything that is happening in your life, and aren't you always trying to pay attention and notice what I am doing in your life and the lives of those around you?  You are completely obedient to authority, and You tell Me all the time how much you want to do My will in everything.  You constantly tell Me how much you love and adore Me. You are always saying that you want to see My face, to embrace Me.  You want to spend as much time as you can with Me in prayer, and you delight in acts of worship at church.  Your greatest joy in life has always been to receive Me in the Holy Eucharist. That is exactly how a child acts with a beloved parent.  Don't you see: you are My child already!"

 

Then what else do You want from me, Lord?

 

"I want you to be a good Sister, to live the life of a religious well, and to bring lost souls back to Me." +

 

Women in the Church

+JMJ+

I have to say at the outset, that my thoughts on this subject are not yet well-formed, and I reserve the right to edit this later!

I know some women who feel very much excluded by the Church, because we do not ordain women to the priesthood.  This is an issue that has never been a problem for me, perhaps because--as a convert--I tend to be a fairly conservative Catholic.  I entered the Church because I believe it is truly the Church founded by Christ and descended to us from the Apostles, who were all chosen by Jesus and who were all male. This is what the Catechism has to say about it:

"Only a baptized man (vir) validly receives sacred ordination. The Lord Jesus chose men (viri) to form the college of the twelve apostles, and the apostles did the same when they chose collaborators to succeed them in their ministry. The college of bishops, with whom the priests are united in the priesthood, makes the college of the twelve an ever-present and ever-active reality until Christ's return. The Church recognizes herself to be bound by this choice made by the Lord himself. For this reason, the ordination of women is not possible."

So, to me, that is the end of the argument and no further discussion is called for. 

I have an overwhelming, personal devotion to Jesus.  In fact, I think of Him as my Lover, my Spouse, in the way that, in the past, vowed religious women also did.  As a female, it is not a big leap for me to truly fall in love with one of the Persons of the Trinity, the one who came to us as a man.  Although I know that consecrated men and many laymen also love Jesus, because they are male, I don't think they can really love Him the way I can, the way all women can, by virtue of being female.  The relationship we women can have with Him really is a marriage, if one falls deeply in love with Him. 

Thus,  I feel that in a very profound way, women actually in some sense have an even greater role in the Church than any man can, by virtue of our sex--because we can be Jesus's spouses on earth, and there is no closer relationship than that.  Sometimes, when I look around at Daily Mass--where you see few men--I think to myself we are actually the foundation of the Church, the remnant.  Men can and do love Jesus, of course:  but they cannot love Him with the all-consuming passion that women do, simply because they are not women. Because of the way God made us, our sexuality enters into every relationship we have, even though it is totally chaste.

Jesus' Healing Hands

+JMJ+

I have recently been dealing with another bad period of having trouble loving my parents.  They have so many irritating qualities: my father is angry all the time and verbally abusive to my mother, and she is getting senile, forgetful, and has a hearing problem she refuses to admit (and do something about!) --so we have to repeat everything we say to her at least once, if not more, which drives me crazy.

I know what I really need is to go to Confession--I had the chance tonight but was not prepared, so I plan to go this coming Wednesday--but in the meantime, I was talking to Jesus about this tonight and telling Him that I just don't know what to do!  I want to be different, I want to change, but I just can't seem to change myself!  Just before taking a nap after that, in desperation, I decided to make the same prayer that Pope Francis recently said that he prays each night before going to sleep:  "Lord, if you want to heal me, You can."  

(I just looked it up, and what the Pope actually says is, "Lord, if You will, You can make me clean." Luke 5:12.  So I misquoted him... but what I wrote above is what I said, LOL!)

So anyway, right after I woke up from my nap, a friend called me--and honestly, I was not in the mood to talk, but I wanted to be kind, so I did.  She had previously mentioned a few things about her bad marriage, and I asked her why she married the guy.  That led into a full disclosure of her absolutely horrible childhood (and by the way, she was raped at 15 and got pregnant, which was why she married him!).

I know this was Jesus' way of answering my prayer, of healing me, because her story made me appreciate anew the wonderful childhood that I had, due to the self-sacrificing love of my parents.  I had a childhood totally unlike hers, and I am truly grateful to my parents for what they did for us! Remembering that makes it much easier to be kind and loving to them, as I want to be, and know I should be. +

‘Lord, if you will, you can make me clean.’ (Luke 5:12). - See more at: http://aleteia.org/2016/06/22/pope-francis-what-i-do-each-night-before-bed/#sthash.0ThRYepE.dpuf

‘Lord, if you will, you can make me clean.’ (Luke 5:12). - See more at: http://aleteia.org/2016/06/22/pope-francis-what-i-do-each-night-before-bed/#sthash.0ThRYepE.dpuf

‘Lord, if you will, you can make me clean.’ (Luke 5:12). - See more at: http://aleteia.org/2016/06/22/pope-francis-what-i-do-each-night-before-bed/#sthash.0ThRYepE.dpuf

‘Lord, if you will, you can make me clean.’ (Luke 5:12). - See more at: http://aleteia.org/2016/06/22/pope-francis-what-i-do-each-night-before-bed/#sthash.0ThRYepE.dpuf

Living With Jesus

---------------------------------------------------------------------

+JMJ+

Living with Jesus has opened up life to me in a way I never imagined.  First, there is the pure joy of loving Him, which, once you discover Him, you will do, because you cannot help it.  His tenderness and love make you love Him: being loved the way He loves you is irresistible, because you have never before experienced anything like it. Total acceptance.  Total forgiveness, no matter what you have done or will do. Total freedom to really be yourself at last. 

Then, there is the newly-found"wideness" of the world.  You used to think that there was nothing but what you could touch, see, hear or feel--but you were wrong.  There is another dimension that is indescribable, and yet palpable, once you have opened yourself up to Him.  Jesus is really there, right there, with you, and you will know it once you start learning to pay attention to what is beyond your senses... and yet, what nevertheless can be sensed in some way you can't explain. 

After a time being with Him and knowing Him--if you decide you really want to give Him everything you have and to devote your life to Him--there comes the profound joy of doing what you know He wants you to do, which is simply loving, loving, loving others to the maximum degree possible... because in loving them, you are loving Him--and you adore Him so much, that is what you want to do, because it brings you so much joy!  You are not doing it because you have to, or because you hope to get a reward either on earth or in eternity... no, you do it simply because you love Him so much, you don't care anymore about any other reward than the joy of returning His love by loving your neighbor.  When He prompts you in your heart to be generous or kind, but you think you are too tired or too busy to do what He asks, nevertheless you trust Him and do it anyway-- and the joy you get makes you forget you were ever tired or busy, and you find yourself thanking Him for asking you, because loving as He loves makes you feel wonderful!

Every day of your life now is a new adventure, because you have no idea what He will ask of you today, but you know you will learn and grow from it, and it is thrilling to see and feel your heart expanding to encompass even more love, filling you with an almost unbearable ecstasy.  You will even find joy in the things that are hard or unpleasant or painful, because you know they have meaning beyond this world, because He shares all of them with you:  He is right there bearing them with you, and He understands exactly how you feel as no one else can.    

There is a sense of sublime peace in your heart because you know you are part of something huge and eternal that goes far beyond the universe you know, and this new plane of existence on which you live will never end, even when you die--it will just get better because at last you will fully understand your place in all of it, all that is beyond human history and beyond human understanding.  It is a longing we all have whether we admit it or not, which cannot be fulfilled any other way than by living in Jesus, giving yourself totally to Him--all that you are and all that you have. 

Once you have tried living this way, I promise you that you will never go back to being the way you were.  +