Sunday, April 1, 2018

Particularity and Election


+JMJ+


I listened to a podcast recently which I found out about quite accidentally, because someone posted a link to it on Facebook:

https://catholicstuffpodcast.com/podcast/2010/11/23/election-vocation-and-mission.html

... and although I didn't especially care for the tone of these guys (seminarians who sound like frat boys), it was so helpful to me.

I have had this years-long guilt complex about the fact that God seems to have singled me out for special blessings... when I review my life, it appears to me as though He relentlessly pursued me since childhood--while I resisted and ignored Him for years--and that miraculously, He gave me this amazing gift of loving Him passionately--an overwhelming, irresistible desire to give my life totally to Him .... ALL THAT, in spite of the fact that I am so COMPLETELY UNDESERVING of it, completely unworthy of being loved so much!

This podcast really answered that for me, because they explained the idea of particularity and election--that God loves each person in a special way, and gives different graces to different people: He love us as individuals, not just one big group--just as we humans love some people differently than we do others.  It made so much sense, and finally put to rest my perpetual uneasiness about the apparent unfairness of Him choosing ME to receive such incredible gifts... and moreover, that I really AM lovable, in my own unique, quirky, messed up, sinful way!

So: it's OK for me to enjoy His gift, revel in it, reciprocate it... because it's a complete gift He decided--for some unfathomable reason--to give to ME. I know I am not explaining this very well... I hope it makes some sense.

Needless to say, afterwards I spent a glorious--albeit sleepless--night, in joyful communion with Him. I can just love Jesus now, with all that incredible passion that's in my heart, and with no guilt about how wonderfully glorious it is to be loved so much back!

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